Show Me How To Live
by ceci.chun
Summary: What do you have to live for when all you want to do is die? Sequel to: Of Lies and Deception
1. 01 Prologue

**Author's Note: **Okay, I'm BACK and I'm bringing a sequel* with me. =) It is completly AU and at times will probably be incredibly OOC, but I hope you all enjoy, and continue to support my writing endeavors. ^^

All standard disclaimers apply. Twilight belongs to Stephenie Meyer, other than that - everything belongs to me. Please do not copy and say it's yours, as I have said, that is sad and not very nice. :)

* You do not have to read 'Of Lies and Deception' to understand this, but it is recommended that you do. ^^ Okay I'll stop babbling... enjoy this peek into my new fic!

* * *

**01. Prologue**

My name is Jacob Lucien Cullen, and I am forever frozen at nineteen. I have issues with almost everything - and quite frankly - they're your everyday run of the mill issues except made a hundred times worse because I'm such a freak.

First off, I don't belong in this world - the human world, nor do I belong in the fantasy world. I'm in between - in limbo. My mother is half vampire and half human, whereas my father is full vampire, and in their decision to reproduce, they produced a mutt - _me. _

Don't get me wrong, although I may sound cynical and bitter, I'm generally a pretty happy person. I'm loved, and I love in return, but that routine gets kind of old after the first hundred years or so. I have had to live through loving so many human girls, and each and everyone of them I had to let go, so that they could live the life I could never have.

Maybe things wouldn't have been so bad if I were a human, at least then I could be normal. Or even if I was a vampire - that'd be pretty cool. But no, I get stuck with eternal life with none of the perks.

When I was younger, I used to always think that everyone was like my family. Pale, white and unchanging. But as I grew up, I learned that was not the case. Instead of going to school to learn, I went to school to blend in.

I have lived twenty four different lives, and each and everyone one ended with me being forced to leave behind everything that I had strived to build up. This is how I came to be.


	2. 02 Anything But Immortality

**Author's Note: **Sorry for the delay in posting! This story has panned out in my head, but I am having some difficulties in articulating this story onto paper. Unlike 'Of Lies and Deception' which flowed like water onto paper, this one is coming out more like caramel. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and thank you so much for all the reviews!

**02. Anything But Immortality**

"You want an internship at the hospital?" Carlisle asked me curiously. Although he was my grandfather, the fact that he looked the same age as my father, really made it uncomfortable when I called him grandpa.

"Yes," I said confidently.

"Why?" Carlisle asked me slowly, his expression puzzled, as if he was trying to think of a single reason why I would want to spend hours at the hospital.

"I don't know, I just want to try it out," I said indifferently. The real reason was, I wanted to test myself. Maybe if I was near human blood enough, I'd discover that I really did crave it - just like my family. Totally sick, but that was my reasoning in any case.

"Well," Carlisle said, his voice contemplative, "You are a senior in high school right now right?"

I nodded my head.

"Well, I can get you an application, but I can't guarantee you'll get it," Carlisle said doubtfully.

"It's okay," I said smiling, "It's just something I wanted to try out - besides if I don't get it the first time round, I have all eternity right?" I said laughing a bit at the end.

"Yes," Carlisle agreed, joining in my joke. I smiled at him briefly and thanked him for helping me. He told me that he'd get back to me as soon as possible, and wished me luck.

…

I tapped my foot impatiently next to the gas pedal. What was the point of a fast car if there was no place to utilize its finer points? The car in front me crawled forward and I clenched my jaw. Carlisle had used his considerable influence to get me the hospital internship - regardless of his insistence that I had gotten in on my own - and I was going to be late. Usually it only took me fifteen minutes to get from home to the hospital, but this unexpected traffic snarl had set me back almost an hour. From here on out, I'm talking to Aunt Alice _every single time _I leave the house. I cursed silently under my breath, as the car in front inched forward.

I slammed the car door as I hurried out. I cleared the hospital parking lot as fast as I could and dashed up the three flights of stairs to Carlisle's office. I burst into his room, with apologies on the tip of my tongue.

"It's alright Jake - Alice called."

I nodded, and felt relief. Thank you Alice! I made a mental note to see what she might want as a gift.

"You have been assigned to the pediatrics ward, and although you will be working with me on some assignments, your internship will pretty much be a glorified volunteer position," Carlisle warned me.

I smiled, as long as I got to stay in the hospital, anything would be fine - it wasn't like I was hurting for cash anyways.

Carlisle stood and opened the door for me. Together we headed down to the pediatrics ward.

"The ward is split into two areas - one for the younger children, twelve years and under, and the other for the teenagers. Most of these kids are on chemotherapy or some sort of cancer treatment. There are twenty six kids here altogether, eight of them are terminally ill."

I nodded as I listened to Carlisle's commentary. Carlisle listed off the names of the kids on this floor, and he introduced me to one of my supervisors. He was a young man, maybe mid-twenties, with dark black hair, and warm chocolate brown eyes.

"Welcome, you must be Jacob," he greeted me, with his hand outstretched.

I reciprocated and shook his hand, "Yes, but please call me Jake. It's a pleasure to meet you -" I paused, uncertain of his name.

"James, please call me James," he said with a friendly smile.

"Alright then, James, I look forward to working with you."

Carlisle excused himself then, as his pager was beeping like mad. James took over giving me the grand tour and I followed him through the rest of the floor. He gave me a short personal history on all of the patients, and I smiled at every person that he pointed to. They all smiled back, and I felt a slight pang in my chest. Here these kids were, so young without their hair and so gaunt. In my heart, even though I knew my original intention to do this still held, I personally vowed to myself that I would make their lives during my time here as comfortable as possible.

"So why did you want to do this internship?" James asked conversationally, effectively breaking me out of my thoughts.

"My father is a real champion of human lives," I said vaguely. I knew that my speech sometimes sounded too formal, but that was all because of my mom and dad. Edward, although I was never really allowed to call him that, was born more than two hundred years ago, and he detested bad grammar, so all my life I had been schooled in the art of proper language. My mom, was more lenient, having been born relatively later - about a hundred years - allowed me some slack when it came to cutting off syllables, and swearing - but only occasionally.

"Your father sounds like a very smart man."

"He is," I replied, completely agreeing with that assessment. Although 'very smart' was pretty much the understatement of the year when it came to describing my dad.

"I'm sorry Jake, but I'm going to have to leave you to your own devices for a little while, there's something that I have to take care of," James said apologetically.

"Hey, yea, it's no problem, I can just look around, and get to know some of the kids," I assured him.

"Thanks," he said, "Well, I'll see you later then okay? Make sure when you leave you check out with me."

"Yep, see you," I said to his retreating back as he dashed off.

I wandered around aimlessly, although quite frankly there wasn't really that much space to wander. On my fifth trip around, a little girl ran smack into me.

"Are you okay?" For once I was glad that I didn't feel like stone, or the poor girl would have been annihilated into bits.

"I'm okay," she said with a bright smile. She had to be one of the younger kids - ten years old maybe?

"I've never seen you before, what's your name?" she asked me with no shyness at all.

I smiled back at her, and introduced myself. "My name is Jacob, but you can call me Jake if you want."

"Okay," she agreed happily, "My name is Allison Hadley," she said with another grin.

"Well, Allison, you have a very pretty name," I complimented her, "Where are you headed?"

"I was about to go outside - my doctor gave me a day pass today, do you want to come with me?"

"Sure." I said with another smile.

Together we headed out into the brilliant sunshine that lighted the entire hospital garden.


	3. 03 Somewhere Above Here

**Author's Note**: I hope you enjoy the chapter, and thank you for all the reviews. The chunk that is in italics is Jacob's memory (On second thought I'll put in lines too, so it won't be confusing ^^")

I hope everyone has an awesome long weekend and hope for sunshine!

**03. Somewhere Above Here **

The sun was shining brightly above us, making the walk very pleasant. Allison walked a little ways ahead of me, and I let her, taking my time with this stroll. She spun around and smiled at me and stopped so that I could catch up.

"I love it outside, but I don't get to go out a lot, because the chemotherapy makes me really sick," she said sadly.

I crouched down so that I was eye level with her and said, "At least today it's okay right?"

She was silent for a moment as her eyebrows furrowed in concentration, and then she smiled - happy again, "It's okay, because you're here. Usually I don't have anyone to play with because everyone is sick like me."

"How about your mommy and daddy?" I asked, confused. Surely a kid this young would warrant parental supervision almost all the time.

"Mommy went to heaven to be with daddy," Allison said solemnly.

_Heaven?_

"_Mommy!" I ran screaming, while waving an old photo. I was playing in the closet when I found an old box, tucked inconspicuously at the back. I had pulled the box out and accidentally tipped it over. Hundreds of photos spilled out along with thousands of letters. One photo caught my attention in particular, and it was that one that I now held in my hand._

"_Yes?" she replied patiently, scooping me into her arms. _

"_Who's this?" I asked, thrusting the picture in her face. She backed away from my hand slightly, wary that the photo might stab her eye out. She took the photo from me and placed me gently back down. Her face collapsed into sadness for a moment, before she composed herself. _

"_This," she said with a pause, "Is your uncle Lucas."_

"_Lucas? Like my middle name?" I asked curiously._

"_Yes. Lucas was someone who is very important to mommy and to daddy," she told me seriously. _

"_Really?" I asked, my eyes wide with curiosity._

"_Yes," she contemplated for a moment before continuing, "I think you're old enough to hear this story, don't you?"_

"_Yes!" I replied eagerly._

_She laid the photo out in front of me, and pointed to the background. "This picture was taken when I used to live in New Zealand. Lucas and I were just moving in to our new apartment, when Lucas asked a passer-by to snap our photo." She smiled for a moment - a private memory, before continuing. "Lucas was someone who saved me when I couldn't save myself."_

"_And when I wasn't there to save you," a voice cut in sadly. _

"_Daddy!" _

_My dad picked me up and spun me around. He tossed me up and caught me before placing me back down._

"_Hey sport, do you want to visit uncle Lucas?"_

"_Can we?" _

_I saw my mom glance at my dad, but she pursed her lips before nodding. I could hear her mumble to herself, 'he has to learn'._

_My mom bundled me up into a coat and we headed to the garage. She buckled me into the car seat and sat in the front next to dad. We sped off, and we ended up at the last place I'd think to find a vampire. The cemetery._

_We walked together, with mom leading the way. She walked past the shiny new ones, heading towards the older and more forlorn ones. She stopped at a gravestone, that was slightly worn, next to a very old gravestone. There were bright yellow daffodils placed in front of the graves, and my mother touched them gently. _

"_This is where your uncle Lucas is now," she said sadly. Her eyes seemed to be miles away, and dad wrapped his arms tightly around her. I could see him whispering into her ear. She relaxed in his embrace and I breathed a sigh of relief. Sometimes she would get such faraway expressions that I worry that she will never make it back to us._

"_Underground?" I asked confusedly._

"_In heaven," my father said quietly._

"_Heaven? But we can't die," I protested, "Can we?"_

"_Sometimes, there is nothing that we can do to prevent fate," my father said slowly, "Your uncle Lucas sacrificed himself so that we would be here today. We owe him everything."_

The memory faded as I was pulled back down to reality but the relentless tugging on my shirt.

"Are you okay Jake? You seem kind of out of it," Allison asked me worriedly.

"I'm fine," I told her reassuringly.

"Okay good, because I was worried that I'd have to find someone else to talk to. It gets really lonely sometimes."

"I promise that whenever I'm around, I'll make it a point to stop by okay?" I promised her.

"Okay. You're a really nice person, just like Doctor Cullen," she commented.

"Thank you, it's an honour to be compared with such a wonderful human being," I said with a cough on the last two words. It was so hard to think of Carlisle as _human, _when he was obviously anything but. I mean he looked like he belonged within the pages of a magazine - my whole family did.

"Look over there," Allison whispered conspiratorially at me.

I bent down to look at her eye level, "What?" I asked with the same hushed tones that used.

"Do you see that butterfly? The blue one over there? It looks like it's dancing," she said - awe in her voice.

At it really did look like it was dancing. The air was full of pollen and sunshine, and the butterflies iridescent wings sparkled beautifully in the light. But that was not what caught my attention. Because beyond the butterfly was a girl with hair like a river down her back. Her hair was like watered silk shot through with strands of chestnut, indigo and bronze. She was bent over a book - perhaps a journal?

"Hey, Allison - who is that?" I pointed at the girl in the distance.

"Oh," Allison said, her eyes scrunched up in concentration, "That's Lia - doesn't she have the most beautiful hair? I think she has brain cancer so she doesn't need chemotherapy," she paused for a moment before adding, almost as an afterthought, "That's why she still has all her hair."

_Lia. _There was something about her that just drew me in. She was an enigma - one that I would have only one summer to figure out.


	4. 04 Let Me Help

**Author's Note: **I am back! I know I said previously that this fic was discontinued. I definitely don't expect any of my readers to come flocking back… but I was hit with a bout of inspiration and I felt that I might as well put this chapter out there for anyone who is still interested. J

So without further ado… please enjoy! C/C's appreciated. It's been awhile since I've written anything, so any help would be awesome!

-Ceci

**04. Embrace My Soul**

"I'm home!," I yelled into the empty hallway. I threw my keys on the table and kicked off my shoes.

"Welcome home," Alice said, with a smile as she danced towards me.

I smiled as I handed over the small box in my hands, "Thanks," I said appreciatively, "For calling Carlisle."

"No problem," she said with a laugh, "Anything to help my favourite nephew."

"I'm your only nephew," I retorted.

"Your parents went home awhile ago, so just hang out here, unless…" she trailed off.

"That was something I didn't even need to imagine," I shuddered at the thought of my parents home alone.

"There's food in the kitchen if you're hungry," Alice called from the top of the stairs as she disappeared around the corner.

Grumbling, I headed for the kitchen. Grabbing a loaf of bread, I proceeded to make myself a sandwich. As I was grabbing for the mayonnaise, I accidentally knocked over a carton of eggs. Cursing my carelessness, I grabbed a towel to wipe up the mess.

"Let me help."

I felt a hand reach over mine, picking up the shells. I dropped the towel and turned around.

"What are you doing? You look like an idiot," Emmett said in his booming voice.

"Nothing," I replied, "I'm just cleaning up my mess."

"You better, Esme will have your head if you mess up her hardwood floors," Emmett said with a laugh.

"Yea, I know. I'm working on it."

"We're going to go on a hunt tomorrow - Rosalie, Jasper, Alice and I - do you want to come with us?"

"No, maybe next time." It was nice of him to include me, even though he knew that I didn't drink blood.

"Okay man, see you," he said, waving as he left.

"Yea, thanks," I replied to his retreating back.

Picking up the towel from the mess of eggs, I threw it into the sink. I pulled the garbage can closer as I dumped the eggshells into the can.

"Let me help."

I pushed the can towards the voice. It tipped over spilling all the shells. I groaned as I stared at the dirty floor. I looked up at empty space. I closed the refrigerator door and leaned against it. I closed my eyes and let my mind wander.

_Let me help._

"_You're never going to get better at this if you don't practice," April said exasperatedly. _

"_How do you know," I replied with a quick smile._

"_Because I do!" she retorted._

"_Fine," I conceded. I pulled out the loose sheets of music. I placed them carelessly on the stand as I pulled out my violin from the case. She reached over me and arranged the mostly bent pieces of music into a straight row._

"_Do you always have to be so perfect?" I teased her._

"_I only seem perfect to you because you're so imperfect," she teased right back._

"_That's me. The imperfect boyfriend," I said resolutely as I pulled my bow across the strings. It screeched in protest from the months of loneliness. _

"_Here," April said with a laugh, "Let me help." Placing the violin against her shoulder, she tuned it to perfection. Her brow furrowed as she placed a practiced hand and ear against the polished wood, finding the perfect pitch. Finally satisfied that the violin wouldn't scream again, she handed it over to me._

"_Thanks."_

"_Anything for you," she replied softly._

_Taking a deep breath, I placed the bow against the strings and started to play. Soft melodies flowed, as I let the music envelope me. I closed my eyes as I continued to play. April's face smiling at me behind my closed lids. Pulling the last note, I opened my eyes and smiled at April._

"_Wow," she said slowly, astonishment coloring her voice, "Maybe you don't need practice."_

"_No, I do. You inspire me to be better." _

_She blushed as she punched me lightly on the shoulder. "Stop it, I hate it when you embarrass me like that." _

"_Why? I thought girls liked receiving compliments!" I argued._

"_Not when they're so beautiful like that," she protested._

"_Beautiful like you?" I replied as I pulled her closer. I kissed her softly on her cheek._

"_Don't be so corny," she mumbled as her lips met mine._

"_Sorry if I can't complement you the right way," I laughed as I broke away from the kiss._

_She stared at me before a long moment before bursting out into peals of laughter. She all but rolled on the floor as tears of laughter started rolling down her cheeks. Seeing her so full of happiness I couldn't help but start laughing as well. I clenched my gut as the laughter started to burn. Taking deep breaths, I calmed myself down long enough to pack my violin away. In the process, I knocked over the stand. Music sheets fluttered to the ground. I cursed silently as I reached for the papers. Suddenly, April's voice was by my side. Her hand reaching over mine to collect the papers._

"_Here, let me help."_


End file.
